ShaneaCramer

Oct. 5, 2010
I met… lets call him Josh… on the internet; we talked from 4am to 8pm the next day. What we had in common was insane, seemed like I just met the male version of myself. He was about to go to training for the army the end of October but everyday before then, we talked. We even talked while he was going into training and getting processed in and what not. I didn’t talk to him for 4 days, seemed like a 2 weeks though. Now I don’t remember the day I got his first letter, but I will say his first letter stayed in my wallet for the longest time, it went everywhere I went. I got 1 or 2 letters a day, sometimes even 3; in the letters we just got to learn more and more about each other but then I got one letter that was a total shock! I live in Kansas and he an his family live in Arkansas, instead of going back home for 2 weeks for Christmas, he came to Kansas to see me. I was in complete awww. A guy is gonna come and see me instead his own family for Christmas?! I mean come on, once you join the army, you try and spend as much time with your family as possible and instead he came and shared Christmas with me. It was the best Christmas I had ever had, or at least it seemed to be. Christmas came, usually on Christmas, I always, somewhat felt sad an never knew why but now looking back, I think its because my parents haven’t been together since I was two years old but this Christmas, I felt complete. I had my family from both side of my parents with me and a guy that I was quickly falling in love with but it soon changed. After Christmas Josh told me we couldn’t be together because he didn’t want me waiting around while he was always gone for his army stuff, I told him I would though an I could still go to school and follow my dreams and what not; he wasn’t having it. The next day he got on a bus and went to Arkansas to visit his parents, which I was suppose to go but he had quickly changed his mind. he was there for 3 days, came back to Kansas, was here for only a day, then the next day went back to his training back in AL. I was so heart broken, so hurt, felt like he didn’t even give me a chance to show up that I would be there for him. Week in a half later, I got sick, lost my job and was in the hospital. I was sick, jobless, boy-friendless, great; just what I needed. He wrote me once after he left, but he talked to me as if I was just a friend, like he hadn’t been together, it crushed me. I tried to emailing him, Facebook and what not, he would never answer me. Finally in May of 2011 I messaged his mother on Facebook, I asked her if he gave her the real reason why he just left me, was there another girl? her response; I wasn’t expecting. She said, ” No no, not a girl…. guys, and a few of them!….” I was in complete SHOCK! I straight out and said, “HE’S GAY?!?!?” then she tried taking it back and said no she was be sarcastic but he was living with a few dudes. Now its March 17, 2012 and I haven’t heard from him… But a few days ago, I saw that he was on this website which i wont say which, but when you click the profile, it shows them who has looked at there profile, so I made a fake one, I know totally creepy, but I’ve wanted to know why he up and left for so long, plus I deserve to know the real reason. So I added him after making this fake profile, he messaged me and said thanks for the add. I quickly responded with how are you? He said okay, and then asked me what my job was…. in my “about me” I said I was a model and that I loved my other job, I told him….something random. He replied back and said, I’m was trying to get into underwear and even nude modeling. but right now on the side on doing gay adult films.” Looks like like his mother wasn’t being sarcastic. I went on an asked him if hes gay or bi, he told me he’s straight which I did not buy. Then I went on and asked him about his last few relationships, an he brought us up. He said that I was his friend real relationship and someone that he loved, but he just wasn’t happy and he didn’t know why, well now we do. then he was wondering was I was asking so many questions about us, finally I told him who it was, he stopped talking and deleted his profile. I know hes mad at me for that, but I needed to know that at least it wasn’t me because for so long I thought it did. I told him I’m okay now, that I’m not mad anymore and that I am relieved, and even though he didn’t say anything I know he read it an maybe one day he will talk and we can be friends but I would be okay with that and would be accepting of his choice. I still love the person I got to know, I’m okay now, I’m okay.

Adele you are simply beautiful. Enough said.